still lots of oversleeping

since last Monday I have overslept an hour or more about every two days. Other than that nothing substantial has happend ith the sleeping pattern.

Better

My naps yesterday were restless and dreamless(so no REM and no refreshment) Jetgyp was over till about 4:30 AM. I took a shower when he left and ate. I was done at about 6. My body REALLY wanted to go to sleep! but I fought it and tried reading about memorization techniques. It was extremely hard to concentrate on what I was reading, the call to sleep was getting stronger. I decided to switch to a less mental task.

My room is in shambles but I was too tired to walk around and clean, so instead I sat on the couch and folded clothes slightly nodding off.

The last thing I really remember was seeing the clock at 7:35AM praying for it to be 8. I don't know if I fell asleep then or if I actually waited till 8 but all of a sudden it was 8:30 and for some reason I thought that I had forgotten to go to sleep so I slept till 9. My girlfriend called shortly after 9 to make sure I wasn't sleeping in. I don't remember it but she says I answered the phone and told her I wasn't sleeping and that I wasn't going to sleep. but I actually woke at 10 and went to her house, when I got there she explained the phone call. My 2 PM nap was really really nice, I pushed it back 10 mins, but it was great. I had a weird little dream and felt totally rested.

I then went to a used bookstore and home. Now I'm going to finally get this damn room clean!

AGAIN!?

I slept extra again this morning. I was at Jetgyp's till 4 somthing. I then went home and ate while cleaning. Then at 5:30 AM I decided for some reason to lay down for a minute. I woke up at 10. From now on when ever I lay down for anything I'm going to set my alarm to go off 30 minutes later so that I can never sleep more than 30 minutes. Becaue as long as I don't do that I won't screw my schedual up too bad.

Week two

The first day of my second week has gone well. I slept and woke up from all of my naps very nicely. The only deviating I did was I pushed my 8 PM back 10 mins. I am now at Jetgyp's house watching a very old horror movie called "The Terror" costarring a young Jack Nicholson.

Starting over

Wenesday night(Thursdy morning) I slept an extra 6 hours by mistake, thursday I had to push back my 8 o clock nap because I was helping my girlfriend with her car and I tried to make it up in the car ride home(I wasn't driving!), but that failed. Friday I skipped my 2 PM nap because of work, the 8 PM went well, but I went to bed at 2AM and woke up at 8:30AM this morning! I'm going to blame that on my nap skipping.
Anyways I'm basically starting over today. I'm going to try harder this time around to not screw up any more. I've given myself till the day before Christmas Eve to get this down, otherwise I'm going to have to drop it.

Big update

Yesterday was a little weird. after writing my little blog I ate some and then went over to my girlfriend's house. While on the way I did not feel tired, however, I kept "Blanking out" it was like I was falling asleep while driving except it was more like my brain had a light switch attached and someone kept flicking it off then on really quickly. At 2 I had my nap. My girlfriend came and woke me up at 2:30. I woke up but I wasn't really awake. She asked me three times how to turn my alarm clock off, but each time I just responded with "what??". She made me stand up, but I protested saying "Wait! Wait!" I sat back down on the bed, picked the little battery operated clock up and dropped it on the floor, stood up and said "OK". I never truly woke until around 3. We were sitting in my kitchen and NOTHING made sense to me, so I just kept trying to figure out what the hell was going on. It was really hard though because my brain kept turning off and then I'd have to start my thought process over again. finally I managed to keep it on by visualizing a candle with all my energy. I moved from this to focusing on my surroundings and then fully woke up.
The rest of the day I spent at the mall. I went home around 7:30 and at 8 just slept in my car in my driveway, it as an OK nap. My girlfriend came over around 11. I felt really really tired, she left at 1:30. I watched some episode of Futurama. at 2 i took my nap. I got up
and watched another episode of futurama. I then apparently fell asleep till 6:35 then I was up for awhile and fell asleep till 8:30. I got up took a shower and went over to my girlfriends house. I was mad about the oversleeping and figured I wouldn't be able to nap. I was wrong. right around 2 i began to feel tired and went to sleep. At 2:30 my girlfriend didn't have to wake me because I woke up to my alarm and felt really good. I bought two books by Ursula K. Le Guin. My 8 nap when much like the 2 except it was in my car. My and my girlfriend went and saw The Pick of Destiny. at my 2 AM nap I didn't think I could get to sleep but I did when I woke up though I felt like I did something wrong and didn't sleep at the right time or something but then i slowly came to realize that I had sleep just right. Now I'm going to eat, shower and read.

doing well

I've been doing pretty well today, no over or undersleeps yet. I have been eating and going to the bathroom a lot . I don't know if it is related to the sleeping change or not but I thought I would mention it incase it is realated.

24 hours

In about fifteen minutes I will be going back to sleep, signaling the end of my first 24 hours in this project.

I decided to go out to dinner and to a movie with my girlfriend. so at about 7:30 we met up at the movie theatre and got our tickets and then i drove us to the restaurant we wanted to eat at, I went in and made reservations for 8:30. I went back out to my car where I had set up a pretty comfy bed in the backseat and gave my girlfriend my laptop so she wouldn't be bored and asked her to wake me. at 8 I went to sleep. I didn't feel like I was sleeping but when I got up I felt like I had slept for hours and it felt pretty great. We went to dinner and to the movie("Stranger than fiction" it was quite excellent) afterwards we met up with Jetgyp at Stake and Shake and had a good time. Now I'm back at his place again and about to sleep

Day one Update from about 4:20 PM

Ok. I've made it through my second and third naps, watched two movies, eaten a lot and accidentally slept two extra hours.
Around 5 in the morning I was really tired and nodding off so I decided to take a shower to keep myself awake. I did that for an hour, at 6 I made a vegetable and cheese wrap(bad idea) while I watched Star Wars episode II. I really started dying as 8 AM drew closer and closer, the nodding off got worse and worse until finally the clock said 7:59. At this point I pulled my blankets together and my head hit the pillow at 8. It took me a while but I finally got to sleep. My clock woke me up at 8:30 and it took me a couple minutes to even figure out what was going on. About ten minutes later I laid back just to feel my pillow, because it was so soft and warm. Then my clock suddenly said 11. DAMN. I was kind of ticked but at least felt a little refreshed(but still pretty tired). I got up and ate some breakfast and finished watching star wars. I went to the bathroom, got some cheesecake and decided to watch "She's the man" which is based on Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night" At two I paused the movie, ask my dad to wake me if I slept past 2:30 and I got in bed. I didn't feel that tired but I got to sort of a half sleep state. My family as being really loud outside my door but it didn't really bother me until my youngest sister decided to come in, set something on top of me and then go take my movie out of the DVD player. Since she had already woken me up, I sat up and asked her what she was doing and why she was take a movie that someone was watching. She left and I looked at the clock it read 2:23. Great I thought as I lay back down. I laid there till it was 2:30 and I got up, despite the interruption I felt pretty good. I finished my movie, played with my dog and ate some more. It is 4:45 right now and I feel wide awake, but bored. I'm probably going to clean some more. I could watch another movie but I don't think I want to, I would much rather read a book as I never have time to do that anymore.(till now of course)

calling

Only a few hours into this and already I find my body calling and begging me for sleep. I find this strange because in the past I have easily gone two full days with no sleep, but I suppose I already haven't been getting much sleep this past week which might explain my current situation.

Sleeping right now sound to me like the best idea ever, but I refuse to give in. My stomach still hurts. I might take a shower to keep me up. 3 hours and 12 mins till I get to sleep again :)

One down

Well I just woke up from my first nap. During the first probably 15 minutes I didn't even sleep, but appearently slipped away at some point while I was laying on the couch in Jetgyp's family room. Because he came and woke me up and it took me a minute to come back from my brief dream, which I can no longer remember.

At first I felt like utter shit, and spoke to him for a minute about how much this is going to succk to get used to. Right now while writing this however, I feel pretty much totally fine, a little sleepy but really, not bad at all.

Dymax, it's going down

So my journy into the world of polyphasic sleep begins here very soon with my first nap coming up at 2 AM. I've asked Jetgyp to make sure I wake up(He lives down the street from me). Just sitting here I've been thinking about how my life ill be different with this change. This coming week is probably going to be difficult but I'm fairly confident in myself and believe that I can make it through.

For those reading this to see what it's like to go through this I'll go on and fill you in on how I feel right now so you don't think that when I say like crap after my first nap that it is just because of that. I already feel fairly shitty right now. My stomach hurts and I'm really tired because I really didn't sleep that well last night and I had a final exam this morning.

I'm hoping to get some cleaning done here tonight in my extra time. Well I'll post some more when I wake up.

Next Article

My next article is going to be about how to deal with that person in your life that you would like to avoid, but can't.

Edit: I've decided to post-pone this

Sleeping

I have finally settled on a new sleeping pattern, which I'll be taking up starting on Saturday. I'm going to go with the Dymaxion sleeping pattern and my sleeping times will be: 8AM, 2PM, 8PM, and 2AM. Each of these will last 30 minutes, giving me a total of 2 hours of sleep per every 22 hours awake. I did some calculations and, on average, this will give me 7.5 extra DAYS awake a month. My some of my friends are a little upset with my decision because they think that I will not be able to do much because I'll have to go sleep every six hours. Personally however, I do not feel that it will effect what I can and can't do that much for I will simply sleep in my car if I'm out and about when nap time comes.

Complicated

While I was driving home today the song "complicated" by Avril Lavigne came on. This song brought back some memories and then spurred some thoughts. I was remembering back around the time that song came out I was redefining and rediscovering who I was. In the craziness of 6th through 9th grade I had lost who I was and just basically became a person wearing a shell of other people's roles/identities. But, none of these Identities fit me, because they weren't me. I however, never noticed myself slipping away and becoming nothing until I was struck by a band called AFI. They woke me up and let me see what had happened to me. At that point I began trying to find what I had lost. I remembered being happy, I remembered when the crowd didn't matter, and I wanted it back. I wanted it back desperately. I tried on all of the rebellious trends which were all dead ends.

When the Lavigne song came out I was amidst a punk-goth phase that allowed me to have freedom for about two weeks before trapping me within yet another restrictive norm. regardless, I remember liking the song but all the "true" rebels didn't like her because she dressed punk but didn't sing it. At the time this made perfect since to me so I stopped liking her because it was the rebel thing, the me thing to do. How dumb is that! I see two sides to this either 1. the industry was using her as a way to monetize the punk look to pull wannabes into buying their products or 2. she was an honest artist who just dressed the way she wanted and didn't let her self fall into the norm, didn't let people tell her that if she wants to dress a certain way that she has to be a certain way. If the latter is true(which as far as I'm concerned has just as likely a chance) then the "rebels" and the "punks" should have hailed her as their new God even though they didn't like her music, because what's behind the music is so much more important(This means the intention not the lyrics necessarily) Unfortunately though, they got caught in their own web of hypocrisy. Just like pretty much everyone does.

I hate hypocrisy. However, I can find no cure or solution for it. For me or anyone else alive. I believe the reason for this is that our lives and existences and "beliefs" and fallibilities all combined have become much to complex in modern society for us to truly get a grasp on. This then leads us to hypocrisy because we are blind in our action to our speech, and blind in our speech to our action. Kind of like opposing shores on a very large and foggy lake. You can walk around the lake and concentrate on certain parts, but you can't see across to the other side to make sure it is going to work with what is over there. Why did we have to go and make things so complicated?

Keeping Motivation

Yesterday went fairly well for the Logging of my events. I did have a little trouble with remembering to write things don, but I got most everything to a pretty acurate degree.

Also yesterday I started writing a program in C++ which would let me enter in the date and then begin entering my daily log in, one event at a time. I would enter the time, description and select the type of activity it would be classified as(Free time, work, wasted time, etc.) It could then give me percentages of my time usage and other types of results n a daily, weekly, and monthly baisis. WIth this too it would make it much easier for me to track my trends and see where I need improvment and where I already have improved. I had a lot o trouble writing this however, I couldn't get the program to write the text files the ay I wanted. But a new idea just came to me that (after i solve my first problems) might work better than writing my programs to write to text files. I could have the program write programs about each day I enter, and then later write a program to call back the days I want to compare and then compare them for me. I don't know though, I'm going to have to experiment more with these ideas first.

Unfortunatley I already see some of my goals fading from my motivation. Part of this came after consulting with my friends. I was talking to them about the sleep pattern that I wanted to start and they did not like it very much. This is mostly because they like to be out late and me going to bed at 10 or maybe 11 would conflict with my time with them. After looking at this I began to consider possibly adaption a Biphasic sleeping pattern of sleeping 1AM to about 6AM and then 3PM to 4:30PM. This would work with my school schedual and my friend schedual, but i just noticed a flaw today when I got to work. The shifts at my workplace go from 9:30AM to 3:30PM and then 3:30 PM to 9:30PM. So i definatly would not be able to work at all during the week, and i could work just weekend mornings which I would not mind because I would not be sleeping in any more BUT the shift goes till 3:30 and I'm supposed to sleep at 3. I think what I am going to do is to just go ahead and adapt this schedual starting December 9th and just trying to push my sleeping back a half hour on the weekend days.

I also have been have trouble practacing my OBEs, this is mainly due to an extra lack of sleep and time I've been having the past couple of days, because while I have been trying I keep falling asleep or just losing focus way to early in the meditation process. Hopefully I'll be ableto pick up the slack a little this weekend.

More important than to OBEs right now though, is FINALS I have my four finals next week and I need good grades. I plan on going to the help session for Calculus on Tuesday, and there is one for Chemistry I need to go to as well. My Intro to Engineering final is a presentation and a paper I've already written most of, so that shouldn't be a problem. The only other one I have is programming which I really need to do very well on to get my grade back to an A. I'm not really that worried about these Exams, but I still need to be sure I put enough time and effort in so that I don't want to slap myself later. If I maintain a 3.0 then I get $750 from the government in January, if I don't then I get muh less. I pretty much need that money, so I need to be sure to EARN IT!

Writing

So another realization just hit me that may explain my motivations for writing all of this stuff. That realization is simply: "I have a lot of shit to say!"

This came to me just a few short minutes ago while talking to my mother. I was telling her some of my ideas and some things I had witnessed in the day and thats when I noticed that I just could not shut up. I could have spoken for days. I don't know why, but I never really noticed how much I talk till today. My mother always complains that she never gets to speak and I think she often gets sick of listening to me. I always viewed this as a bad thing and it is in certain situations. In a social setting while talking, it is a bad idea to ramble on for hours about a topic because other people are waiting to talk. Also useually, in those settings noone really cares what you are saying, they just want you to hear what they are saying. Here in writing, however, this problem is non-existant. When you are reading you are not waiting to speak, therfore you are actually listening. With that in effect, if I am writing something worth hearing you will keep reading, enjoy it, and perhaps learn from it.

So now the question comes down to: "why did i never realize that writing would be a good thing for me?" I have always had an interest in reading, be it intellectual blogs, books, poems, plays all that good stuff. I've always been like "wow it would be cool to write that stuff and have people actually hearing your ideas!" But I always figured I couldn't, and wouldn't do it. My main reason for this was that I always thought I didn't like writing. Well, that is and at the same time isn't true. I don't like the physical act of putting pen to paper and writing, because 1. it hurts 2. I have horrible handwriting that virtually no one can read and 3. I'm a slow writer and I get really frustrated because I can't write as fast as I can think. Despite all that, I do like putting my ideas down onto paper, because for one thing it makes the idea a solid thing that I can look at later and revise as my ideas change, finishing it gives me a sense of accompishment, and thirdly others can read and hopfully benefit. So it seems that while I don't like the physical act of writing, I do like the idea and priciple of writing. The solotion which I came up with for this is since I don't have a problem with typing I can use that instead of "writing". I have now discovered how i can be the writer I always wanted to be!

Opening

It seems that this will be the begining of my book. I have become re-motivated to become a better person after reading many articles/blogs by Steve Pavlina (www.stevepavlina.com). He is a very intelligent and very diciplined person whom I have come to respect by reading what he has to say. My personal hope is that I will continue in this motivation to increase my personal value as a person.

I have always been "into" self betterment. In fact I would say that I consider it to be one of the most important things in a person's life. I will say that I am not horrible at this for I have made some significant changes to my life. One of the more outstanding ones was auditioning for my first play in the fall of 2004. Another noticicable difference in me as a person is that here I am in the University of Louisville's Speed School of Engineering and I actually have decent grades. The old me never would have had these grades. Another thing is that I am actually writing this. Anyways, my point is that it is now time for some more improvments on myself for I have been lazy and have not improved anything about myself in many many months.

I hope to write in this daily for multiple reasons. 1. To set my goals and track my progress and 2. to gain a valuable record that others can use to benefit from themselves. There are other reasons that I can not think of at this moment.

Ok now, my planned goals:

1. Practice and acheive an OBE.
2. Alter my sleep pattern to going to bed when I am tired and to wake up at 5 AM Attemp OBE and then get up and get dressed at 6 AM.
3. Improve my self dicipline.
4. Maintain good grades in Speed.
5. Make more money.
6. Use that money to take weekly singing lessons.
7. lose weight by working out and by exercising daily.
8. Meditate daily or weekly.
9. write daily.
10. Start self-maintaining sources of income.

1. I have already began work on the OBE I have not achieved but have practiced fairly reguraly.
2. I will begin the new sleep pattern tonight.
3. I'm hoping to improve my dicipline by working for these goals.
4. The grades will reflect my dicipline.
5. I will begin making more money by orking more shifts at work.
6. I need to call michael and ask him about his teacher soon.
7. I will begin working out next semester with Bo I hope to exercise in the morning with my new sleep pattern.
8. Not sure yet, will come later.
9. Begins with this.
10. Not sure yet, will come later.

Coffee

Sitting in a coffee shop,
why sitting in a coffee shop?
I don't like coffee,
I don't like shops,
but I'm sitting in a coffee shop,
interviews and meetings,
drinktalking, homeworkeating,
connecting and phonereading.
The complex interactions which draw me in,
3 3 6 6 2 5 10

Maturity

Maturity. . . haha maturity, It seems to be a word with a very unclear meaning these days. A few months ago I was talking to my mom and she said something along the lines of "Oh, I can't wait till you're an adult!" and since I legally already was an adult I responded "Well mom, I am" she said "Yeah, but not really. You're not really an adult" I asked why and she said "You just aren't at that level of maturity yet"

Hmm. . . that level of maturity. Since then I suppose I have been trying to figure out what exactly that level of maturity is, and what makes me "Not an adult yet". Much of my confusion is rooted in the fact that I know many "adults" to whom my mother would not deny their "adultness" but who are probably some of the most immature people I have met. Today was a shining example.

I work at a stand in the mall where I sit all day asking people if they want to try a free sample of sorbet. We have 6 flavors Pineapple, Pina Colada, and Coconut cost $4 each, Orange, Lemon and Apple are $3 each, we have a mixed 10 pack for $20, and we also have freezer bags that cost $2 for if it's going to be awhile before you can get home and get your ten pack in the freezer. They are set prices, just like if you went to Kroger's to buy ice cream. Despite this I quite often get people asking me for discounts. Today a lady and her friend came up to the stand, both probably in their forties. One of them I recognized, I soled her her first ten pack a couple months ago, and now every time she returns she asks for a discount, she is always denied. Today she "insisted" a bit stronger. She raised her voice saying "I buy three of these a week and i deserve a discount!" I told her "Ma'am, I'm not in the position to be authorizing discounts" Her: "But I buy these ALL THE TIME!" and I said(to try and make a reasonable point) "Isn't it the same as when I go buy milk at Kroger's every week? I never get a discount" This remark seemed to offend her quite a bit. I can understand how my comment could be interpreted as smart Alec, but my tone was in no way indicating sarcasm. I was trying to reason with her since she asks EVERY TIME. She went on trying to convince me to give her a discount. So because her "insisting" didn't work, she moved on to bullying telling me how horrible an employee I am and "how can you ever expect to make sales with that attitude!" She told me that she was going to just go on the Internet and order the sorbets there(We sell a special brand of sorbet that come in the fruit shell and is shipped from Africa, our owner, also my best friends dad, has the north American rights for the sorbet) So i began to explain "I can give you the website ma'am, but these com from afi--" "I KNOW WHERE THEY COME FROM!"she interrupted, I continued "They come from Africa, so the shipping cost on an order as small as one box would be tremendous" more happened, finally her friend decided she wanted to get one anyways so I ring her up and get a ten pack out of the freezer and ask "Would you like me to put this in a bag for you ma'am?" "Yes, i would" she responded with that "DUH!" attitude in her voice, I got a grocery bag out and began to put the ten pack in, the first lady chimes in with "put it in one of them freezer bags!" I said: "I can do that but those cost $2 extra" she gave me a look of angry bewilderment: "I always get one for free! are you saying she as to pay for her ten pack AND her freezer bag?! GIVE HER ONE FOR FREE!" ("Yes you have to pay for everything you buy, what a crazy thought!" i thought to myself) "I can't do that ma'am, if you got a freezer bag for free before then the employee who sold you the ten pack paid for the freezer bag with their own money, I'm sorry but I personally don't have enough money to buy stuff for every customer I sell to" She kept on insisting and brought up buying them on the Internet again I told her I'd be happy to give her the web address and again warned her about the high prices, her only response was "YEAH, BUT THEY'LL COME IN FREEZER BAGS WON'T THEY?!" and I said "Yes, ma'am they will most likely be packed in something to keep them frozen (except I doubt it will be less than $2 extra). I guess she couldn't understand that what she was doing was exactly the same as a school yard bully picking on the younger kids for their school lunch money. finally they left after insulting me some more, practically spitting on me. They went around to all the stands around me telling the employees there how much of an ass I was. they then came back asking for a refund saying "I refuse to buy from someone who treats me this way" I said ( as I returned her money) "Ok ma'am, I'm sorry for the trouble, would you like that web address?" "No. . . but I would like your manager's number" she said while a slight grin. I said "well we don't have a manager, but here is our owner" I wrote down his name and number and gave it to her. She left. Later my boss called me and told me what she said on the phone. She called and said: "Are you the pineapple guy!?" he eventually figured out what she meant "yes ma'am I am, can I help you?" her: "YOU NEED TO TELL THAT BIG DICK, GREASE HAIR, STUPID HAT, WHITE BOY TO GET FIRED!" him: "Excuse me ma'am?" her: "HE WAS SO RUDE TO ME! and wouldn't give me a discount, probably because I'm black!" and she told him what happened. He dismissed her saying that he's been going to McDonald's more than three times a week for ten years and he still hasn't gotten his discount. she screamed: "YOU'RE A DICK TOO!" and hung up. But I bet my mom wouldn't say she wasn't an adult. So if it is not age, and not maturity that determines whether someone is an adult or not, then what does?

Freedom

So then in the idea of being free and creative. what makes me free? is it my creativity? or does my freedom make me creative? I constantly find myself searching for ways in which to be free. My current favorite it seems is to break insignificant social law, or rules. You might not believe the extreme enjoyment I get out of breaking these retarded rules. In high school I did this by the way I dressed. At Trinity we had a very strict dress code, Dress shoes, Dress Socks, Dress Pants, Dress Shirt, a tie, and hair off the bottom of the collar, those were the basic guideline of how I dressed. For the first two years I went with the norm everyday, boring ass clothes. Then Junior year I discovered an ounce of freedom in our dress code by the fact that it was so unspecific. it started with neon dress socks and moved on to the neon shoes laces, there was nothing in the books about colors, eventually I grew more bold and with this growth began to re-experience the sacrifices that come with originality. I began to shop at goodwill and found pants with "outrageous" colors and styes, such as Kelly green, tight double-knit turquoise and black pants, orange pants etc. (Not pink as that was already a fad) I found that I received most resistance with the tighter pants that I enjoyed wearing. I received many negative comments for those, I believe they took it upon themselves as a challenge to their manhood so they felt compelled to hold their hands up to their eyes when I walked by saying "cover that shit up" because god forbid they might see the shape of my body outlined in my clothes. I do not take any of these remarks personally however and do not blame the individuals, instead I blame society as an entity for it is what controls them. I know them individually and know that they are actually much more mature and accepting than this text makes them out to be, many of them went on senior retreat with me and were very outstanding people with high moral character. But the current of the social rivers are very strong and prevent good people from being themselves and I believe this cannot be changed and for this I feel no regret, and no offense for my choices in dress or the reactions they cause. but I did get an exhilarating feeling of freedom because I have proven to myself and noone else, that I can wear what society tells me I can't. This is a powerful feeling because if I can do this then surely I can do more. It gives me strength to stand up to my fears in the name of what is right to do. I highly recommend breaking all the dumb rules you can, the rules that honestly don't affect anyone that is, don't get anyone hurt or steal or put yourself in danger but do things such as picking the number thirteen and breaking superstitions, cross dressing, actually expressing your emotions(*gasp*), shave (or don't) what you feel like, when you feel like it, the way you like it, there are countless others which I encourage you to find. know I'm not the first to say all this, but you need to do it or maybe you don't, I should rephrase that, I needed and still need to do it and it's possible that you are like me in some way and need some of the same things.