While I was driving home today the song "complicated" by Avril Lavigne came on. This song brought back some memories and then spurred some thoughts. I was remembering back around the time that song came out I was redefining and rediscovering who I was. In the craziness of 6th through 9th grade I had lost who I was and just basically became a person wearing a shell of other people's roles/identities. But, none of these Identities fit me, because they weren't me. I however, never noticed myself slipping away and becoming nothing until I was struck by a band called AFI. They woke me up and let me see what had happened to me. At that point I began trying to find what I had lost. I remembered being happy, I remembered when the crowd didn't matter, and I wanted it back. I wanted it back desperately. I tried on all of the rebellious trends which were all dead ends.
When the Lavigne song came out I was amidst a punk-goth phase that allowed me to have freedom for about two weeks before trapping me within yet another restrictive norm. regardless, I remember liking the song but all the "true" rebels didn't like her because she dressed punk but didn't sing it. At the time this made perfect since to me so I stopped liking her because it was the rebel thing, the me thing to do. How dumb is that! I see two sides to this either 1. the industry was using her as a way to monetize the punk look to pull wannabes into buying their products or 2. she was an honest artist who just dressed the way she wanted and didn't let her self fall into the norm, didn't let people tell her that if she wants to dress a certain way that she has to be a certain way. If the latter is true(which as far as I'm concerned has just as likely a chance) then the "rebels" and the "punks" should have hailed her as their new God even though they didn't like her music, because what's behind the music is so much more important(This means the intention not the lyrics necessarily) Unfortunately though, they got caught in their own web of hypocrisy. Just like pretty much everyone does.
I hate hypocrisy. However, I can find no cure or solution for it. For me or anyone else alive. I believe the reason for this is that our lives and existences and "beliefs" and fallibilities all combined have become much to complex in modern society for us to truly get a grasp on. This then leads us to hypocrisy because we are blind in our action to our speech, and blind in our speech to our action. Kind of like opposing shores on a very large and foggy lake. You can walk around the lake and concentrate on certain parts, but you can't see across to the other side to make sure it is going to work with what is over there. Why did we have to go and make things so complicated?
Showing posts with label Freedom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Freedom. Show all posts
Monday, December 4, 2006
Keeping Motivation
Yesterday went fairly well for the Logging of my events. I did have a little trouble with remembering to write things don, but I got most everything to a pretty acurate degree.
Also yesterday I started writing a program in C++ which would let me enter in the date and then begin entering my daily log in, one event at a time. I would enter the time, description and select the type of activity it would be classified as(Free time, work, wasted time, etc.) It could then give me percentages of my time usage and other types of results n a daily, weekly, and monthly baisis. WIth this too it would make it much easier for me to track my trends and see where I need improvment and where I already have improved. I had a lot o trouble writing this however, I couldn't get the program to write the text files the ay I wanted. But a new idea just came to me that (after i solve my first problems) might work better than writing my programs to write to text files. I could have the program write programs about each day I enter, and then later write a program to call back the days I want to compare and then compare them for me. I don't know though, I'm going to have to experiment more with these ideas first.
Unfortunatley I already see some of my goals fading from my motivation. Part of this came after consulting with my friends. I was talking to them about the sleep pattern that I wanted to start and they did not like it very much. This is mostly because they like to be out late and me going to bed at 10 or maybe 11 would conflict with my time with them. After looking at this I began to consider possibly adaption a Biphasic sleeping pattern of sleeping 1AM to about 6AM and then 3PM to 4:30PM. This would work with my school schedual and my friend schedual, but i just noticed a flaw today when I got to work. The shifts at my workplace go from 9:30AM to 3:30PM and then 3:30 PM to 9:30PM. So i definatly would not be able to work at all during the week, and i could work just weekend mornings which I would not mind because I would not be sleeping in any more BUT the shift goes till 3:30 and I'm supposed to sleep at 3. I think what I am going to do is to just go ahead and adapt this schedual starting December 9th and just trying to push my sleeping back a half hour on the weekend days.
I also have been have trouble practacing my OBEs, this is mainly due to an extra lack of sleep and time I've been having the past couple of days, because while I have been trying I keep falling asleep or just losing focus way to early in the meditation process. Hopefully I'll be ableto pick up the slack a little this weekend.
More important than to OBEs right now though, is FINALS I have my four finals next week and I need good grades. I plan on going to the help session for Calculus on Tuesday, and there is one for Chemistry I need to go to as well. My Intro to Engineering final is a presentation and a paper I've already written most of, so that shouldn't be a problem. The only other one I have is programming which I really need to do very well on to get my grade back to an A. I'm not really that worried about these Exams, but I still need to be sure I put enough time and effort in so that I don't want to slap myself later. If I maintain a 3.0 then I get $750 from the government in January, if I don't then I get muh less. I pretty much need that money, so I need to be sure to EARN IT!
Also yesterday I started writing a program in C++ which would let me enter in the date and then begin entering my daily log in, one event at a time. I would enter the time, description and select the type of activity it would be classified as(Free time, work, wasted time, etc.) It could then give me percentages of my time usage and other types of results n a daily, weekly, and monthly baisis. WIth this too it would make it much easier for me to track my trends and see where I need improvment and where I already have improved. I had a lot o trouble writing this however, I couldn't get the program to write the text files the ay I wanted. But a new idea just came to me that (after i solve my first problems) might work better than writing my programs to write to text files. I could have the program write programs about each day I enter, and then later write a program to call back the days I want to compare and then compare them for me. I don't know though, I'm going to have to experiment more with these ideas first.
Unfortunatley I already see some of my goals fading from my motivation. Part of this came after consulting with my friends. I was talking to them about the sleep pattern that I wanted to start and they did not like it very much. This is mostly because they like to be out late and me going to bed at 10 or maybe 11 would conflict with my time with them. After looking at this I began to consider possibly adaption a Biphasic sleeping pattern of sleeping 1AM to about 6AM and then 3PM to 4:30PM. This would work with my school schedual and my friend schedual, but i just noticed a flaw today when I got to work. The shifts at my workplace go from 9:30AM to 3:30PM and then 3:30 PM to 9:30PM. So i definatly would not be able to work at all during the week, and i could work just weekend mornings which I would not mind because I would not be sleeping in any more BUT the shift goes till 3:30 and I'm supposed to sleep at 3. I think what I am going to do is to just go ahead and adapt this schedual starting December 9th and just trying to push my sleeping back a half hour on the weekend days.
I also have been have trouble practacing my OBEs, this is mainly due to an extra lack of sleep and time I've been having the past couple of days, because while I have been trying I keep falling asleep or just losing focus way to early in the meditation process. Hopefully I'll be ableto pick up the slack a little this weekend.
More important than to OBEs right now though, is FINALS I have my four finals next week and I need good grades. I plan on going to the help session for Calculus on Tuesday, and there is one for Chemistry I need to go to as well. My Intro to Engineering final is a presentation and a paper I've already written most of, so that shouldn't be a problem. The only other one I have is programming which I really need to do very well on to get my grade back to an A. I'm not really that worried about these Exams, but I still need to be sure I put enough time and effort in so that I don't want to slap myself later. If I maintain a 3.0 then I get $750 from the government in January, if I don't then I get muh less. I pretty much need that money, so I need to be sure to EARN IT!
Writing
So another realization just hit me that may explain my motivations for writing all of this stuff. That realization is simply: "I have a lot of shit to say!"
This came to me just a few short minutes ago while talking to my mother. I was telling her some of my ideas and some things I had witnessed in the day and thats when I noticed that I just could not shut up. I could have spoken for days. I don't know why, but I never really noticed how much I talk till today. My mother always complains that she never gets to speak and I think she often gets sick of listening to me. I always viewed this as a bad thing and it is in certain situations. In a social setting while talking, it is a bad idea to ramble on for hours about a topic because other people are waiting to talk. Also useually, in those settings noone really cares what you are saying, they just want you to hear what they are saying. Here in writing, however, this problem is non-existant. When you are reading you are not waiting to speak, therfore you are actually listening. With that in effect, if I am writing something worth hearing you will keep reading, enjoy it, and perhaps learn from it.
So now the question comes down to: "why did i never realize that writing would be a good thing for me?" I have always had an interest in reading, be it intellectual blogs, books, poems, plays all that good stuff. I've always been like "wow it would be cool to write that stuff and have people actually hearing your ideas!" But I always figured I couldn't, and wouldn't do it. My main reason for this was that I always thought I didn't like writing. Well, that is and at the same time isn't true. I don't like the physical act of putting pen to paper and writing, because 1. it hurts 2. I have horrible handwriting that virtually no one can read and 3. I'm a slow writer and I get really frustrated because I can't write as fast as I can think. Despite all that, I do like putting my ideas down onto paper, because for one thing it makes the idea a solid thing that I can look at later and revise as my ideas change, finishing it gives me a sense of accompishment, and thirdly others can read and hopfully benefit. So it seems that while I don't like the physical act of writing, I do like the idea and priciple of writing. The solotion which I came up with for this is since I don't have a problem with typing I can use that instead of "writing". I have now discovered how i can be the writer I always wanted to be!
This came to me just a few short minutes ago while talking to my mother. I was telling her some of my ideas and some things I had witnessed in the day and thats when I noticed that I just could not shut up. I could have spoken for days. I don't know why, but I never really noticed how much I talk till today. My mother always complains that she never gets to speak and I think she often gets sick of listening to me. I always viewed this as a bad thing and it is in certain situations. In a social setting while talking, it is a bad idea to ramble on for hours about a topic because other people are waiting to talk. Also useually, in those settings noone really cares what you are saying, they just want you to hear what they are saying. Here in writing, however, this problem is non-existant. When you are reading you are not waiting to speak, therfore you are actually listening. With that in effect, if I am writing something worth hearing you will keep reading, enjoy it, and perhaps learn from it.
So now the question comes down to: "why did i never realize that writing would be a good thing for me?" I have always had an interest in reading, be it intellectual blogs, books, poems, plays all that good stuff. I've always been like "wow it would be cool to write that stuff and have people actually hearing your ideas!" But I always figured I couldn't, and wouldn't do it. My main reason for this was that I always thought I didn't like writing. Well, that is and at the same time isn't true. I don't like the physical act of putting pen to paper and writing, because 1. it hurts 2. I have horrible handwriting that virtually no one can read and 3. I'm a slow writer and I get really frustrated because I can't write as fast as I can think. Despite all that, I do like putting my ideas down onto paper, because for one thing it makes the idea a solid thing that I can look at later and revise as my ideas change, finishing it gives me a sense of accompishment, and thirdly others can read and hopfully benefit. So it seems that while I don't like the physical act of writing, I do like the idea and priciple of writing. The solotion which I came up with for this is since I don't have a problem with typing I can use that instead of "writing". I have now discovered how i can be the writer I always wanted to be!
Opening
It seems that this will be the begining of my book. I have become re-motivated to become a better person after reading many articles/blogs by Steve Pavlina (www.stevepavlina.com). He is a very intelligent and very diciplined person whom I have come to respect by reading what he has to say. My personal hope is that I will continue in this motivation to increase my personal value as a person.
I have always been "into" self betterment. In fact I would say that I consider it to be one of the most important things in a person's life. I will say that I am not horrible at this for I have made some significant changes to my life. One of the more outstanding ones was auditioning for my first play in the fall of 2004. Another noticicable difference in me as a person is that here I am in the University of Louisville's Speed School of Engineering and I actually have decent grades. The old me never would have had these grades. Another thing is that I am actually writing this. Anyways, my point is that it is now time for some more improvments on myself for I have been lazy and have not improved anything about myself in many many months.
I hope to write in this daily for multiple reasons. 1. To set my goals and track my progress and 2. to gain a valuable record that others can use to benefit from themselves. There are other reasons that I can not think of at this moment.
Ok now, my planned goals:
1. Practice and acheive an OBE.
2. Alter my sleep pattern to going to bed when I am tired and to wake up at 5 AM Attemp OBE and then get up and get dressed at 6 AM.
3. Improve my self dicipline.
4. Maintain good grades in Speed.
5. Make more money.
6. Use that money to take weekly singing lessons.
7. lose weight by working out and by exercising daily.
8. Meditate daily or weekly.
9. write daily.
10. Start self-maintaining sources of income.
1. I have already began work on the OBE I have not achieved but have practiced fairly reguraly.
2. I will begin the new sleep pattern tonight.
3. I'm hoping to improve my dicipline by working for these goals.
4. The grades will reflect my dicipline.
5. I will begin making more money by orking more shifts at work.
6. I need to call michael and ask him about his teacher soon.
7. I will begin working out next semester with Bo I hope to exercise in the morning with my new sleep pattern.
8. Not sure yet, will come later.
9. Begins with this.
10. Not sure yet, will come later.
I have always been "into" self betterment. In fact I would say that I consider it to be one of the most important things in a person's life. I will say that I am not horrible at this for I have made some significant changes to my life. One of the more outstanding ones was auditioning for my first play in the fall of 2004. Another noticicable difference in me as a person is that here I am in the University of Louisville's Speed School of Engineering and I actually have decent grades. The old me never would have had these grades. Another thing is that I am actually writing this. Anyways, my point is that it is now time for some more improvments on myself for I have been lazy and have not improved anything about myself in many many months.
I hope to write in this daily for multiple reasons. 1. To set my goals and track my progress and 2. to gain a valuable record that others can use to benefit from themselves. There are other reasons that I can not think of at this moment.
Ok now, my planned goals:
1. Practice and acheive an OBE.
2. Alter my sleep pattern to going to bed when I am tired and to wake up at 5 AM Attemp OBE and then get up and get dressed at 6 AM.
3. Improve my self dicipline.
4. Maintain good grades in Speed.
5. Make more money.
6. Use that money to take weekly singing lessons.
7. lose weight by working out and by exercising daily.
8. Meditate daily or weekly.
9. write daily.
10. Start self-maintaining sources of income.
1. I have already began work on the OBE I have not achieved but have practiced fairly reguraly.
2. I will begin the new sleep pattern tonight.
3. I'm hoping to improve my dicipline by working for these goals.
4. The grades will reflect my dicipline.
5. I will begin making more money by orking more shifts at work.
6. I need to call michael and ask him about his teacher soon.
7. I will begin working out next semester with Bo I hope to exercise in the morning with my new sleep pattern.
8. Not sure yet, will come later.
9. Begins with this.
10. Not sure yet, will come later.
Maturity
Maturity. . . haha maturity, It seems to be a word with a very unclear meaning these days. A few months ago I was talking to my mom and she said something along the lines of "Oh, I can't wait till you're an adult!" and since I legally already was an adult I responded "Well mom, I am" she said "Yeah, but not really. You're not really an adult" I asked why and she said "You just aren't at that level of maturity yet"
Hmm. . . that level of maturity. Since then I suppose I have been trying to figure out what exactly that level of maturity is, and what makes me "Not an adult yet". Much of my confusion is rooted in the fact that I know many "adults" to whom my mother would not deny their "adultness" but who are probably some of the most immature people I have met. Today was a shining example.
I work at a stand in the mall where I sit all day asking people if they want to try a free sample of sorbet. We have 6 flavors Pineapple, Pina Colada, and Coconut cost $4 each, Orange, Lemon and Apple are $3 each, we have a mixed 10 pack for $20, and we also have freezer bags that cost $2 for if it's going to be awhile before you can get home and get your ten pack in the freezer. They are set prices, just like if you went to Kroger's to buy ice cream. Despite this I quite often get people asking me for discounts. Today a lady and her friend came up to the stand, both probably in their forties. One of them I recognized, I soled her her first ten pack a couple months ago, and now every time she returns she asks for a discount, she is always denied. Today she "insisted" a bit stronger. She raised her voice saying "I buy three of these a week and i deserve a discount!" I told her "Ma'am, I'm not in the position to be authorizing discounts" Her: "But I buy these ALL THE TIME!" and I said(to try and make a reasonable point) "Isn't it the same as when I go buy milk at Kroger's every week? I never get a discount" This remark seemed to offend her quite a bit. I can understand how my comment could be interpreted as smart Alec, but my tone was in no way indicating sarcasm. I was trying to reason with her since she asks EVERY TIME. She went on trying to convince me to give her a discount. So because her "insisting" didn't work, she moved on to bullying telling me how horrible an employee I am and "how can you ever expect to make sales with that attitude!" She told me that she was going to just go on the Internet and order the sorbets there(We sell a special brand of sorbet that come in the fruit shell and is shipped from Africa, our owner, also my best friends dad, has the north American rights for the sorbet) So i began to explain "I can give you the website ma'am, but these com from afi--" "I KNOW WHERE THEY COME FROM!"she interrupted, I continued "They come from Africa, so the shipping cost on an order as small as one box would be tremendous" more happened, finally her friend decided she wanted to get one anyways so I ring her up and get a ten pack out of the freezer and ask "Would you like me to put this in a bag for you ma'am?" "Yes, i would" she responded with that "DUH!" attitude in her voice, I got a grocery bag out and began to put the ten pack in, the first lady chimes in with "put it in one of them freezer bags!" I said: "I can do that but those cost $2 extra" she gave me a look of angry bewilderment: "I always get one for free! are you saying she as to pay for her ten pack AND her freezer bag?! GIVE HER ONE FOR FREE!" ("Yes you have to pay for everything you buy, what a crazy thought!" i thought to myself) "I can't do that ma'am, if you got a freezer bag for free before then the employee who sold you the ten pack paid for the freezer bag with their own money, I'm sorry but I personally don't have enough money to buy stuff for every customer I sell to" She kept on insisting and brought up buying them on the Internet again I told her I'd be happy to give her the web address and again warned her about the high prices, her only response was "YEAH, BUT THEY'LL COME IN FREEZER BAGS WON'T THEY?!" and I said "Yes, ma'am they will most likely be packed in something to keep them frozen (except I doubt it will be less than $2 extra). I guess she couldn't understand that what she was doing was exactly the same as a school yard bully picking on the younger kids for their school lunch money. finally they left after insulting me some more, practically spitting on me. They went around to all the stands around me telling the employees there how much of an ass I was. they then came back asking for a refund saying "I refuse to buy from someone who treats me this way" I said ( as I returned her money) "Ok ma'am, I'm sorry for the trouble, would you like that web address?" "No. . . but I would like your manager's number" she said while a slight grin. I said "well we don't have a manager, but here is our owner" I wrote down his name and number and gave it to her. She left. Later my boss called me and told me what she said on the phone. She called and said: "Are you the pineapple guy!?" he eventually figured out what she meant "yes ma'am I am, can I help you?" her: "YOU NEED TO TELL THAT BIG DICK, GREASE HAIR, STUPID HAT, WHITE BOY TO GET FIRED!" him: "Excuse me ma'am?" her: "HE WAS SO RUDE TO ME! and wouldn't give me a discount, probably because I'm black!" and she told him what happened. He dismissed her saying that he's been going to McDonald's more than three times a week for ten years and he still hasn't gotten his discount. she screamed: "YOU'RE A DICK TOO!" and hung up. But I bet my mom wouldn't say she wasn't an adult. So if it is not age, and not maturity that determines whether someone is an adult or not, then what does?
Hmm. . . that level of maturity. Since then I suppose I have been trying to figure out what exactly that level of maturity is, and what makes me "Not an adult yet". Much of my confusion is rooted in the fact that I know many "adults" to whom my mother would not deny their "adultness" but who are probably some of the most immature people I have met. Today was a shining example.
I work at a stand in the mall where I sit all day asking people if they want to try a free sample of sorbet. We have 6 flavors Pineapple, Pina Colada, and Coconut cost $4 each, Orange, Lemon and Apple are $3 each, we have a mixed 10 pack for $20, and we also have freezer bags that cost $2 for if it's going to be awhile before you can get home and get your ten pack in the freezer. They are set prices, just like if you went to Kroger's to buy ice cream. Despite this I quite often get people asking me for discounts. Today a lady and her friend came up to the stand, both probably in their forties. One of them I recognized, I soled her her first ten pack a couple months ago, and now every time she returns she asks for a discount, she is always denied. Today she "insisted" a bit stronger. She raised her voice saying "I buy three of these a week and i deserve a discount!" I told her "Ma'am, I'm not in the position to be authorizing discounts" Her: "But I buy these ALL THE TIME!" and I said(to try and make a reasonable point) "Isn't it the same as when I go buy milk at Kroger's every week? I never get a discount" This remark seemed to offend her quite a bit. I can understand how my comment could be interpreted as smart Alec, but my tone was in no way indicating sarcasm. I was trying to reason with her since she asks EVERY TIME. She went on trying to convince me to give her a discount. So because her "insisting" didn't work, she moved on to bullying telling me how horrible an employee I am and "how can you ever expect to make sales with that attitude!" She told me that she was going to just go on the Internet and order the sorbets there(We sell a special brand of sorbet that come in the fruit shell and is shipped from Africa, our owner, also my best friends dad, has the north American rights for the sorbet) So i began to explain "I can give you the website ma'am, but these com from afi--" "I KNOW WHERE THEY COME FROM!"she interrupted, I continued "They come from Africa, so the shipping cost on an order as small as one box would be tremendous" more happened, finally her friend decided she wanted to get one anyways so I ring her up and get a ten pack out of the freezer and ask "Would you like me to put this in a bag for you ma'am?" "Yes, i would" she responded with that "DUH!" attitude in her voice, I got a grocery bag out and began to put the ten pack in, the first lady chimes in with "put it in one of them freezer bags!" I said: "I can do that but those cost $2 extra" she gave me a look of angry bewilderment: "I always get one for free! are you saying she as to pay for her ten pack AND her freezer bag?! GIVE HER ONE FOR FREE!" ("Yes you have to pay for everything you buy, what a crazy thought!" i thought to myself) "I can't do that ma'am, if you got a freezer bag for free before then the employee who sold you the ten pack paid for the freezer bag with their own money, I'm sorry but I personally don't have enough money to buy stuff for every customer I sell to" She kept on insisting and brought up buying them on the Internet again I told her I'd be happy to give her the web address and again warned her about the high prices, her only response was "YEAH, BUT THEY'LL COME IN FREEZER BAGS WON'T THEY?!" and I said "Yes, ma'am they will most likely be packed in something to keep them frozen (except I doubt it will be less than $2 extra). I guess she couldn't understand that what she was doing was exactly the same as a school yard bully picking on the younger kids for their school lunch money. finally they left after insulting me some more, practically spitting on me. They went around to all the stands around me telling the employees there how much of an ass I was. they then came back asking for a refund saying "I refuse to buy from someone who treats me this way" I said ( as I returned her money) "Ok ma'am, I'm sorry for the trouble, would you like that web address?" "No. . . but I would like your manager's number" she said while a slight grin. I said "well we don't have a manager, but here is our owner" I wrote down his name and number and gave it to her. She left. Later my boss called me and told me what she said on the phone. She called and said: "Are you the pineapple guy!?" he eventually figured out what she meant "yes ma'am I am, can I help you?" her: "YOU NEED TO TELL THAT BIG DICK, GREASE HAIR, STUPID HAT, WHITE BOY TO GET FIRED!" him: "Excuse me ma'am?" her: "HE WAS SO RUDE TO ME! and wouldn't give me a discount, probably because I'm black!" and she told him what happened. He dismissed her saying that he's been going to McDonald's more than three times a week for ten years and he still hasn't gotten his discount. she screamed: "YOU'RE A DICK TOO!" and hung up. But I bet my mom wouldn't say she wasn't an adult. So if it is not age, and not maturity that determines whether someone is an adult or not, then what does?
Freedom
So then in the idea of being free and creative. what makes me free? is it my creativity? or does my freedom make me creative? I constantly find myself searching for ways in which to be free. My current favorite it seems is to break insignificant social law, or rules. You might not believe the extreme enjoyment I get out of breaking these retarded rules. In high school I did this by the way I dressed. At Trinity we had a very strict dress code, Dress shoes, Dress Socks, Dress Pants, Dress Shirt, a tie, and hair off the bottom of the collar, those were the basic guideline of how I dressed. For the first two years I went with the norm everyday, boring ass clothes. Then Junior year I discovered an ounce of freedom in our dress code by the fact that it was so unspecific. it started with neon dress socks and moved on to the neon shoes laces, there was nothing in the books about colors, eventually I grew more bold and with this growth began to re-experience the sacrifices that come with originality. I began to shop at goodwill and found pants with "outrageous" colors and styes, such as Kelly green, tight double-knit turquoise and black pants, orange pants etc. (Not pink as that was already a fad) I found that I received most resistance with the tighter pants that I enjoyed wearing. I received many negative comments for those, I believe they took it upon themselves as a challenge to their manhood so they felt compelled to hold their hands up to their eyes when I walked by saying "cover that shit up" because god forbid they might see the shape of my body outlined in my clothes. I do not take any of these remarks personally however and do not blame the individuals, instead I blame society as an entity for it is what controls them. I know them individually and know that they are actually much more mature and accepting than this text makes them out to be, many of them went on senior retreat with me and were very outstanding people with high moral character. But the current of the social rivers are very strong and prevent good people from being themselves and I believe this cannot be changed and for this I feel no regret, and no offense for my choices in dress or the reactions they cause. but I did get an exhilarating feeling of freedom because I have proven to myself and noone else, that I can wear what society tells me I can't. This is a powerful feeling because if I can do this then surely I can do more. It gives me strength to stand up to my fears in the name of what is right to do. I highly recommend breaking all the dumb rules you can, the rules that honestly don't affect anyone that is, don't get anyone hurt or steal or put yourself in danger but do things such as picking the number thirteen and breaking superstitions, cross dressing, actually expressing your emotions(*gasp*), shave (or don't) what you feel like, when you feel like it, the way you like it, there are countless others which I encourage you to find. know I'm not the first to say all this, but you need to do it or maybe you don't, I should rephrase that, I needed and still need to do it and it's possible that you are like me in some way and need some of the same things.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)